How many of you out there feel not enough? I know I cannot be the only one! There is nothing particularly special about me and I find myself on the side of a wannabe more than any specific category. I am a wannabe country girl, I am a wannabe smart girl, I am a wannabe nerd, I am a wannabe singer, writer, mother…… So many things I wannabe but each day, but I am just me.
What is the qualification for these certain groups that everyone gets categorized in? Because maybe I may have more in one area than another, but I still always find myself wanting to be something else, something different, something special, unique….
I have always been a Gods girl. Ever since I was a little girl and God reached out to me, I have been His. That is the only one real thing that I know. That is the only category that sustains me.
The bible says:
“Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.” Romans 12:2
Maybe always looking to a worldly category is not allowing me to be who I am. It is hard to take yourself out a world that is more tangible than your God. However, even I have to admit that there are moments with the Lord that I feel Him more tangible than my own flesh. Like now, I feel Him with me; urging me to reach out to others who feel lost in this dark world.
“Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.” Psalm 19:105 (see song below)
God doesn’t let us be born in a dark world without putting a light on for us. Eventually that light will carry us home. Until then, I will search for Him…
“Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.” Matthew 6:33
God has always been my provider…He provides me with everything that I need. Love, patience, understanding, kindness, food, shelter, strength…. I have had to rely on God my whole life. Because no matter how much the people in your world love you, they will always let you down, they will always have to think of themselves and their family above you….we all are that way. God provides where we lack and He supplies what we need. Sometimes we feel we need some things but God knows best. Even when it doesn’t feel that way, you can be sure He always does what is best for you.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:11-13
“He will cover you with his feathers. He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection.” Psalm 91:4
No matter what I say or how much I believe I will always be a wannabe. I think that it comes from a place inside me that feels not enough. I want always to be more than I am. Love more, care more, understand more… a heart that loves more, breaks more… a person who cares more, gets hurt more….the person who understands more forgives more…. Maybe I am more those things than I realize. Maybe one day I will feel more myself when I stand before my Father and finally go home. Until then I will keep trying. I will keep praying for a better tomorrow for me and the people I love.
I may be a wannabe many things, but I will ALWAYS be Gods girl.
God bless you all, remember to SHINE!
Thy WordBy Amy Grant
Thy word is a lamp unto my feet
And a light unto my path.
Thy word is a lamp unto my feet
And a light unto my path.
When I feel afraid,
And think I've lost my way.
Still, You're there right beside me.
Nothing will I fear
As long as You are near;
Please be near me to the end.
Thy word is a lamp unto my feet
And a light unto my path.
Thy word is a lamp unto my feet
And a light unto my path.
I will not forget
Your love for me and yet,
My heart forever is wandering.
Jesus be my guide,
And hold me to Your side,
And I will love you to the end.
Nothing will I fear
As long as You are near;
Please be near me to the end.
Thy word is a lamp unto my feet
And a light unto my path.
Thy word is a lamp unto my feet
And a light unto my path.
And a light unto my path.
You're the light unto my path.
