Diary of a "fat girl"

All who have been overweight at one point in your life, and even some who have not have that inner fat girl.  She is the one that says “If I don’t wear a longer shirt my belly shows”… “if I eat in front of those people they will think I am a pig” … “if I sit in that chair, I may not fit.”  For those of us who have ever been extremely overweight, that voice is stronger, meaner, and never goes away, no matter how much weight you lose.  It is the voice that holds you back from living life, for trying new things you have never been able to do before. 

 

This is the voice that tells me no matter how much weight I have lost, I am still a fat person.  I am still not good enough.  What is enough anyway?  What makes one person special OVER another?  Perception.  That is the answer.  It is all in how YOU see yourself.  What others think shouldn’t matter.  But let’s face it…it does.  We want desperately to feel beautiful and accepted and loved by that hot guy/girl that walks by.  We all want to be accepted whole-heartedly from the “cool people.”  No matter how old you get, there is always that group you wish you could tag along with.  I have found the older I get and the more weight I have lost that some of them will look now.  However, it is the people who saw me when I was invisible that matter.  Your friends, family and the people in your life that cheer you on every day to becoming a more beautiful you, those are the ones whose opinions should matter to you.  Not because you are losing weight, but because you are fighting for your life. 

~You are fighting to live and to be a part of this world.~  

I went to the grocery store the other day and I found myself thinking of how I used to buy boxed food all the time, frozen pizzas, corn dogs… you know processed CHEAP food.  It is no wonder I was unhappy.  I wasn’t healthy at all.  When you put those kinds of toxins in your body, it runs you down and takes away your energy.  When you eat healthy fruits, veggies, whole grains, nuts, lean meats, it gives your body the energy you need and the brain power as well.  Every once in a while I will still grab something naughty.  I am human after all. =)  Somehow I always seem to regret it, because it makes me sluggish and tired.  My body doesn’t like to be fed those foods anymore (never did if I am honest with myself).  In my mind I still have that “fat girl” that says you will feel better if you have a cookie, piece of cake…chocolate.  But, I just don’t.  If I replace that cookie with something like hummus and bell peppers, or an apple, I do actually “feel better.”  

See we are not just fighting foods, we are fighting ourselves.  We are fighting that voice that says a candy bar makes us feel good about what just happened today, instead of realizing you cannot change what happened.  Eating something that gives you good energy and going for a walk makes you feel better.  I don’t know about you, but when I do that, I DO feel better.   I can still use food as a source to help me “feel better” as long as I am using the right combinations.  I don’t always get it right, but each time I make a healthy choice, I feel energized by the results. 

Being overweight is an illness; it is a sickness, just like alcoholism or drug addiction.  Our battle is with food. No matter how much weight I have lost, or God willing how much more I lose, I will always have my inner fat girl messing with my head.  I don’t know how to shut her off!  I wish we all had that ability.  However, I know what helps me.  Talking.  Talking to the people in my life and admitting my struggles.  This helps me overcome these battles that I face.

To you out there reading my blog, I encourage you to talk, talk to the people in your life.  Make a meal plan and exercise routine that fits your life.  Do not diet!  Change your lifestyle.  Saying no to one thing that is hard to say no to like that donut, cookie, candy bar, bag of chips that you love, will give you a power inside that will give you the strength to replace it with a healthy choice.  If you don’t have someone in your life you feel understands, email me.  I would happy to help in any way that I can.  The biggest thing I want you to know is that you are not alone!  Many of us are silently struggling with this demon floating around inside of our hearts and minds.  There is no need for that.  There truly are people out there who understand. 

~You are NOT alone.~

In my next blog I am going to post the meal plan my doctor came up with.  I encourage you to talk to your doctor about what meal plan would be best for you, mine is specific for me because I have Type 2 Diabetes. 

I hope you will check out the next blog, until then God bless you and shine on!