It was 12 years ago today that I almost ended my life.
I can honestly say I am so glad I didn't! While there have been many ups and downs, including the toughest couple of years of my whole life, God has gotten me through each day. I got down on my knees that night and begged for God to save me, and He did. That night and every night since, God has saved me over and over again. In all the battles I have learned who my true friends are and have learned so much about myself. Who I am, what I stand for, what is important to me, what is not important.
I take my relationship with God very serious. No matter what has happened, I've always known deep I'm my heart that God loves me and that He is always with me. I've never truly stood alone. That night I gained so much more than my life, I gained a future. God strengthened me in a way that stuck. I didn’t want to give up on life that night; I just gave up on the people in my life that were running me down, and I gave up on my own self-loathing. I hated myself! It took me another 10 years to learn to love myself, and there are still times when I am pretty angry with ME. I am hardest on myself because there is no one else around to be hard on me. Sometimes, I can really make a mess of things. But the Lord’s continued love and support continues to strengthen me and remind me that I am not alone, I am human and God has a plan for me.
So as I sit back today and think about all I have been through, what I have seen, all God has blessed me with. I can truly say that life is worth it. Those pains that you can get to feeling…worthlessness…anger…hurt…self loathing…all these things are temporary feelings in a temporary world. They are not worth losing a decade OR MORE of love, happiness and greatness. If I had ended my life, I never would have seen my family healing….I never would have seen my great nieces and nephews be born…my godchildren… the marriage of my friends….healing friendships…. tasted love for the first time…
Like another blog I posted….life aint always beautiful, but it’s a beautiful ride!
I really am “the girl who lived.”
Keep on smiling loved ones. The best is yet to come! Don't forget to SHINE!
*All photos were taken by me and edited.
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